Project Frustration

Q. Why haven't I written a new blog in a while now?

A. Becasue I havn't climbed anything new, I keep falling off the same climb over and over and over and over.

If you got shut down by a love interest time after time would you still go back for more? Probably not, neither would I, at least I hope I wouldn't. Then why do I keep getting back on my project at Little Si over and over again even though it keeps shutting me down?

Ever since I sent Californicator about 5 weeks ago (although it feels like 5 months) I have been trying (either literaly or in my mind) its extension Californication. On paper it doesn't sound too hard, 12d climbing that I have dialed to a great shake out at the chains then you head into the extension of Technorigine which is 12c climbing that I've got pretty wired, in fact I've warmed up on Techno couple of times this week. Add to that the fact that that when I sent Californicator I continued and got through the Techno crux and fell off just before the chains of Californication, I should get it done pretty quickly right? Wrong! I've repeated Californicator more times than I'd like to count, well I might not like to count it but I do - 5 times. And I've fallen off trying Californication over a dozen times. I was hoping to write a blog post today celebrating my successful ascent, but now I just have to wallow in my self-pity. Yesterday I got on it for the 3rd day in a week, I got to the Californication chains rested up then went for the crux move, which shouldn't be that hard, missed the hold but managed to catch my fall on the jug, I went for the hold again hit it and came off! I had a mini-tantrum hanging from the rope to let off some frustration (sorry guys). It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't do the exact same thing on Sunday and then again on Wednsday of last week. What makes it worse is that I feel like I have a lot of pressure to climb it soon, school starts up in a week and I don't think I'm going to be able to make it out there as much. When I send it (not if but when) it'll be one of the most gratifying climbs I've done, its easily now the most effort I've put into a project.

I just got a text from Micah asking if I wanted to get back out there tomorrow, I want to but I don't know if I can take the rejection again, I feel like the victim of an abusive relationship. What do I do?

Me on the cruxy cross through move to the typewriter hold at the seventh clip of Californicator, a move I am now far too familiar with.